Jamie's Stinky Thoughts of DOOM

Obligation

2005-11-28T07:22:35Z

"what could u possibly expect unders this condition? So, I'll wait for the ambulence to come, pick us up off the floor.

What could you possibly expect under this condition?" - Jacks Mannequin

Hmmm...

This entry is titled obligation..and for good reason. Obligation is something everyone has to live with. Now there is a difference between obligation and responsibility. Just because you feel obligated to do something does not mean that you should. I should probably take my own advice here and just do what I want...but I can't. Maybe it is because I don't want to hurt other people. Maybe it is because I do not want to hurt myself.

I think in this case it is a little of both.

Someone told me lately that patience is a virtue. It is a virtue I was never very fond of. And one that I can rarely cooperate with. I am just no good at waiting and I am proud of myself for not breaking under pressure because so far I have been patient. or stubborn. Whichever is the case.

This is a funny entry because to most people or maybe everyone it will make no sense. but that is ok cause no one will really reads it ne way.

I think that right now...I should be somewhere else.

But I also know that when I am somewhere else I feel bad for being there. For this...I am sorry.

Reflections

2005-10-29T03:34:21Z

Life is very funny sometimes.

It is strange how fast things can change.

"You make your bed, you have to sleep in it."....H.R.

I really slept in mine.

There are some times that I really regret in my life....Becoming very intimate with the toilet seat was one of them. For those of u who don't understand that....just ask yourself one question....Why would I become intimate with the toilet seat??....let me tell you...it is usually because u have your head near it.....and why would you have your head near it....because u had WAY too much to drink.

I bring this upon myself...and now for some music.

"They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death."

"Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him?

i'm just a notch in your bedpost

but you're just a line in a song"

yay....dcfc

2005-10-19T06:29:32Z

"What Sarah Said"

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that -

"Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

Amazing, awsome, and perfect.

2005-10-12T05:56:15Z

"You seem so out of context in the gawdy apartment complex
a stranger with the door key explaining that i'm just visiting
and I am finaly seeing why I was the one worth leaving"

Ahh postal service is amazing.
Karim is Awsome...but don't tell him I said so.
Jamison is an ass but there is nothing new about that.
My hair is black in contrast to my happy disposition.
And finally...life is perfect.

Or at least that is how it seems right.

I feel beautiful...and at least someone thinks i'm sexy. YAY!!!

oh man

2005-10-03T20:48:41Z

People are strange....but funny. I love JACKS MANNEQUIN!!! I want to marry Andrew Mcmahon and have his babies because he is amazingly awsome and I was reading his blog and I feel so sad for him cause he was all delerious and stuff for like 2 weeks. Sadness...

"She thinks i'm much to thin, she asks me if i'm sick, what's a guy to do with friends like these."

YAY I love music...I didn't go to school today cause Laura didn't come home and cause I was sleeping and didn't want to take the damned bus. I should have taken a year off from school...eh

I need a car. I think i'm going to take out a student loan and buy a car cause I REALLY want one. But I need to get my licence first which is what i'm going to do on my birthday. It will be a good birthday present to myself. Makes me kinda happy. Then if I get a car I can do whatever I friggin want...sorta....well I can go wherever I want cause i'm cool like that.

I don't talk to my mom much anymore...and I kinda miss my sister...a lot. I should call my dad but i'm too lazy. I am a very lazy person and when it takes effort to get in touch with my parents I decied I didn't really want to talk to them in the first place. Well that is usually the case anyway.

"California in the summer, oh yea and my hair is growing long, FUCK YEA we can LIVE LIKE THIS."

NIN....AHHHH nine inch nails ROCK!!!!

2005-10-03T06:17:10Z

Closer

you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me i broke apart my insides, help me i've got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself

i want to fuck you like an animal
i want to feel you from the inside
i want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me it's your sex i can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else

i want to fuck you like an animal
i want to feel you from the inside
i want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
i drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason i stay alive

.................THIS IS THE HOTTEST SONG EVER......in some sick and perverted way....it makes sense.

cluelessjamie @ 2005-10-01T12:03:00

2005-10-01T19:08:51Z

It's fucking bullshit. I hate it when people lie to you and tell u they are doing something for you but really they are only doing it for themselves. and the best part is when we get really fucking lucky but if it had been anyother way we probably would have broken up. You know why?? Because he fucking LIES to me and it took me this long to figure this shit out. I feel really, kind of, stupid right now...because I was played for a fucking fool and I guess it was somthing that I was just asking for. I'm fucking sick of feeling like crap and waiting to see him and all he wants is to see other people. You know why??? Because he doesn't give a shit about me or how I feel. How fucking nice.

wow so many people on lj

2005-09-04T19:35:50Z

So I never knew that so many people really wrote in their livejournals on a daily basis. I don't like the internet enough to do that. Anyway....haha I read the funniest thing earlier in Franks Livejournal.

"fjds;apemaaaj'feaios;jdfjkanwoievnf..Computers make annoying beeping sounds when you press all the keys at once. Someone should make a computer that tells you to quit being so miserable and get your face off of the keys. Maybe I will."-Frank

HAHAHA that is friggin funny cause it is true...

and then people write about sad things all the time..

and it is true that Zeus should be the love of our lives....(that's our dog

and everyone should just get along. It makes me sad that this country has lost it's humanity and it's ability to care. Well maybe it is not the country but the government.

So much for my blathering.....this is more then enough critical thinking for one day.

BOOM!!!

2005-07-29T21:24:59Z

So, I haven't written here in like I don't know...FOREVER. I figure I should try and keep in touch with ppl but no one reads my LJ ne way. So yea...

Life is good, except for working a Universal...thank god i'm gonna quit soon and work at bloomingdales. I have money and a house and a dog who is very funny and a life.

My mom is being evicted and my little sister and her and her stupid, idiotic bf are moving to NY to live with family. Hooray they will be FAR FAR away from me. I'm gonna miss my sister though. I got sunburned like a bitch and it ITCHES...I read a lot. The friggin 6th Harry Potter book is REALLY good I finished it in like a day...well less then that. And then I went through book withdrawal and had to read like 4 more books that week.

I don't even feel like my summer has begun at all. I haven't had a summer yet, except for the heat. I don't miss school. I like to sleep a lot. But when I sleep I feel like I have wasted my day.

Well that's about all there is to say...maybe I will write sometime soon.

"I got soul but i'm not a soldier"

Thoughts....It's not stupid, it's advanced.

2005-02-01T01:17:08Z

Do you ever feel hopeless??
Not that you are hopeless but that everything around you is hopeless. It's kind of a sad to the core kind of feeling that just won't go away and you aren't quite sure why you feel that way. I get that every now and then. I feel like I should do something, like I should be making something happen but i'm not sure what it is. It makes me want to cry because I know that there is something wrong but i'm not sure what it is and since I don't know what it is I can't fix it. It's like a bad dream...it's that feeling that you get when you know that you are having a bad dream but you can't get out of it...not a nightmare, just a bad dream.
And in the end it just makes me feel like everything is hopeless.

cluelessjamie @ 2005-01-17T00:42:00

2005-01-17T08:42:33Z

Konstantine
It unfortunatly didn't work. And God, you both wish
it had. You have to know that you will never
forget them. It didn't work out but you learned
from all your mistakes.

.:Which Something Corporate Song are You:.
brought to you by Quizilla

cluelessjamie @ 2005-01-12T14:04:00

2005-01-12T22:06:11Z

"Miss America" - Something Corporate

Another lonely night in Amersterdam
The stars are coming out in waves
And I miss my Miss America from Park Hotel
But I'm too stoned to call it a day

When everything you wanted
Is hard to hide behind your lies
And I'm locked in my hotel room
Turning over our goodbyes

I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it

Another lonely night in Amsterdam
The water's moving through the sound
The blood is boiling in my veins
and the food I can't keep down

And I don't care if you don't love me
And I don't care if you don't change
And I could live inside the shadow that I cast for you
If it meant that you would stay
And I'll be home before the morning comes,
You won't have to be alone

I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
You don't have to see me this way,
'Cause this way I'm okay
I will write this down,
I will write this down

Oh love, I'm tangled up again
Oh love, when does this twisting end?
When does this twisting end?

I will write this down for you
So you can read it
I will hold my breath for you
Till I can't feel it
You won't have to see me this way
Cause this way I'm okay

I will write this down for you,
So you can read it...

God does love me!!!

2004-12-13T20:10:39Z

I moved...
I moved...
and I moved...YAY!!!! and the house is AWSOME!!! Laura was supposed to post that the house is awsome but she didn't get the chance to as her computer was being stupid!!! but yea...it's awsome...i'll post more later maybe...possibly...

Small Beans...

2004-12-05T00:43:19Z

So, I haven't updated in like a MILLION years...I think it has something to do with no one cares if I update or not so whats the point. My livejournal was getting lonely so I had to put something new.

I'm really bored...there is nothing to do here...and i'm kinda hungry
I think i'm gonna go finish my book.
Hey did ya know that books are the best?
Well they are, I would die if it wasn't for my books!!!
So I have like a million things of work to do...I should do it but hey...I don't want to
K maybe i'll update sometime in the future...who knows.

Yeah, Yeah

2004-09-16T02:17:00Z

So, started school like a week ago, and someone tell me what the hell is up with Theresa because last time I checked we were talking and now I just don't know but whatever, small beans.

And yea...Choir is friggin awsome but the counseling office is fucked...whats new?? And yea...Jamison is playing video games, once again, whats new?? HA HA

"Even though i'm the sacrafice
you won't try for me, not now.
Though i'd die to know you love me,
i'm all alone.
isn't something missing?"

Just for good measure here are the lyrics to that song...

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

[CHORUS]
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

[CHORUS]

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Ha

2004-07-17T10:41:57Z

I think this is really funny...my first journal entry in a long ass time because I gave up on it but now I am sooo pissed off and no one gives a shit. But thats ok because no one normally gives a shit.

I'm fucking pmsing big time and my back hurts really really really badly and I can't do shit about it and it's really fucking hard to rub my own god damned back...so now i'm sitting here crying because I can't fucking change the situation again, but what's new about that.

And then I do so much fucking crap for Jamison and does he do shit for me, no! of course not...I guess i'm just not fucking worth it or something. God damned I really hate my life sometimes...and I have no bed at my house so I have to sleep either on the floor or on the couch and the couch hurts so I don't wanna sleep there but the floor hurts too and there is nothing I can do about that either so no matter what I do i'm gonna be in pain in the morning.

God someone fucking kill me already and put me out of my damned misery.
And the funny part is, I know that I could never kill myself because I am a friggin chicken and I don't like pain. I get sad when I am a little quesy. I could never kill myself, so if I wanted to die the only way I could do it would be to ask someone else to do it for me because I don't have the guts to do it myself. Sad really.

My BACK FUCKING HURTS!!! and i'm sick of stethescopes...if you don't understand that don't ask.

Oh MY GOD!!!

2004-06-06T15:18:29Z

So i'm done with Live Journal. This is going to be my last journal entry because...well because I don't want to do it any more.

Last night I went to the A Perfect Circle concert and Oh My Fucking GOD!!! Do I love them!!! It was sooooo awsome it exceeded my expectations like a million times and I can't wait to get to see them again. I would really like to see Tool in concert now because that would be friggin awsome.

I went and saw Harry Potter 3 on Thursday/Friday at midnight because it is like tradition for us to go see it. We used to do it for my birthday but then they changed the dates around for when it comes out and stuff.

Things in life change so rapidly that I don't even know where or when things got so different. I'm so afraid that I am going to amount to nothing in life or that if I do amount to something,I am going to end up alone. Thats my biggest fear I guess...ending up alone.

So this is it, i'm done...i'm going back to sleep now.

::Pay no mind to the rabble, pay no mind to the rabble
Keep your head down go to sleep to the rhythem of the war drums::

YAY

2004-05-29T14:08:08Z

Going to DISNEYLAND!!!! See you all LATER!!! HAHA

Happy 1 month Jamison.

bologna

2004-05-28T18:04:57Z

Why do I even care what she thinks?? Oh wait I don't. So why doesn't she get over it? I mean what the fuck does she expect to happen?? Does she expect him to come crying to her telling her that he is sorry because I'm sorry to burst that bubble but he's not going to. As much as you have erased me from your life He has erased you from his!

I don't cry over you. And I won't cry over him. So it doesn't matter anyway does it?

So back to the fun stuff, my tooth hurts really bad!!! I need to go to the dentist. Disneyland is tomorrow!!! YAY!!! and then the APC concert. OMG I can't wait!!!

I'll write more later.
(Ha! Jamison said he loves me!! Ha)

Hooray!!!

2004-05-20T21:08:42Z

Woo Hoo, testing is finally over...I aced my chem quiz...I am having a really good day. I just hope it stays good. So yea, I miss something but I don't know what it is,all I know is that it isn't anything that I can get back.

Maybe...

I miss being naive and sheltered because I had less worries when I didn't know things.
I miss always having someone to talk to because that was what made life less stressful.
I miss things being easy because life is better when things are easy.
I miss being able to think coherently because then I could make people understand.
I miss having hope and faith in things because now I just don't believe in anything.
I miss being able to trust people because now it just doesn't feel like people are worth placing trust in.
I miss being happy because now I don't feel happy very often.
I miss being innocent because when you are innocent people are less hateful.
I miss being young because when you are young people are less hurtful.
I miss a lot of things...

That was my interesting thoughts for the day. No one reads them anyway so I don't even know why I write in here at all.

The funny part is...this is me when I am happy!!

OMG!!!

2004-05-20T18:53:57Z

There are things in life that just piss me off, girls that cause drama that is one of them. Friends that don't understand the meaning of friendship thats another one. And people that just don't care about anyone but themselves that is the one that really gets to me!!! AHHH!!! I just want to scream at people sometimes.

YAY I get to go to Santa Barbara with Laura this weekend. I wanted Jamison to go but I don't think he is going to be able to. My second choir festival is tomorrow I am soooo excited I can't wait. and one week from sat. i'm going to Disneyland to compete...and then the sat after that is the A Perfect Circle concert at the Universal Ampitheater, YAY!!!! I wish Theresa hadn't gotten a ticket for that concert because I know it is just going to make me pissed off that she is there at all. It's MY favorite band!!!!!

It's not that i'm causing drama it's just that I don't want to deal with her anymore.

Alright

2004-05-17T20:26:20Z

I'm sleepy...ZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzZZZ....OMG I WANNA SLEEP!!!!

So yea, i'm finally not grounded, YAY!!!! i'm sooo happy, so yea... I wanna go see Troy!! I'm gonna see it dammit. But yea here is a cool thingy to read...

In this fateful hour
All Heaven with its power
The sun with its brightness
The snow with its whiteness
The fire with all the strength it hath
The lightning with its rapid wrath
The winds with their swiftness
The sea with its deepness
The rocks with their steepness
The earth with its starkness
All these I place
Between myself and the powers of darkness!

(A swiftly tilting planet - Madeleine L'Engle)

HA HA

2004-05-16T01:59:24Z

Love Calculator by EbonyScythe
1st Person Name
2nd Person Name
1st Person Gender
2nd Person Gender
Compatibility Percent	61
Time Together	Twenty years

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Ha

2004-05-14T20:26:01Z

So Raych just told me that she knows Katy Rose (real name = Katie Boulard) !! HAHAHA, she went to Notre Dame and was good friends with her. I think that is really funny. HAHAHAHAHA!!! So yea...I thought that I would post that because it is cool and yea...thats about all that I have to say.

Yea I need a break from all the shit that is happening in my life right now. I want to just be a normal teenager that isn't grounded all the time and that is allowed to do things like go out and stuff. I have no life. This weekend is going to suck :(

Back to happier things...I wanna go see Troy!!! OMG Bradd Pitt and Orlando Bloom in one movie that is the sexiest thing in the world. Even if Orlando Bloom is really feminine looking. Oh shit...I have to go do History HW now or else I am screwed because I had two days to do it and now I have like 20 min!!!! TTYL

cluelessjamie @ 2004-05-12T12:54:00

2004-05-12T21:06:08Z

Oh man this is sooo friggin AWSOME...I am sooo proud of myself...so I did my own icon stuff and background stuff. It wasn't that hard I just always thought it was hard because I didn't have the time to try more stuff out so now I have to put lyrics here because I am really HAPPY!